24 August, 2011

Ego vs. Spirit

Anyone who has decided to walk the spiritual path, understands the ego will put up quite a fight.  But let's consider you are walking on the path and someone picks a fight with your ego?  What do you allow it to do and what does spirit think about this? 

Recently, I have been dragged into something that was not of my choosing.  Once I realized I was the target, ego started to engage and I wanted to let everyone know that was privy to this outburst.. that it wasn't me! There is this secured group I belong to online where we discuss all things of a Divine Feminine Nature.  When the group started, it was heaven sent it seemed, because I could discuss my thoughts with others that had suggestions, answers even!  Usually, I am discussing these topics and others just listen, or fade out as they don't have experience, interest or belief in what I am talking about. 

This group however was different and I was thrilled to be accepted and respected for what I had to say as I listened and read others' stories as well.  We found ourselves in a real sisterhood and it felt terrific. 

As time progressed, my interest increased and I was curious as to the path we were all on.  I asked a lot of questions about the direction of the group, potential outcomes etc.  As the group was new, my inquiries were too much.  So after some back and forth I realized that I needed to just take this group for what it was a discussion space.  My ideas and desires would have to wait for another opportunity waiting around the corner?

Just recently, as I was commenting and offering suggestions to one of the members, another member took offense at what I said as she took it personally.  This started a wave of activity that has now turned into something I don't even understand.  All of a sudden I was being attacked for my comments, and the discussions I had about our potential outcomes from long ago, now were forefront once again.  It didn't even dawn on me that any of this was taking place until a day had passed. Imagine my surprise when I realized I was the target of all this hub bub online!

Normally, I would have shot off a very quick response that most likely would have me putting my foot in my mouth as it wasn't well thought out in advance.  But this time, I waited and waited to see if maybe I misinterpreted the posts.  It was clear over time that I wasn't and there was now this small faction of participants that were very mad at me. 

After some private messages back and forth, I tried to explain what my post meant and I had no way intended for any of this to be hurtful, but helpful!  I was assured it was all fine and that it was good we clarified this misunderstanding.  But that is not what happened.  I was then blocked and had comments removed. 

Here is my current challenge... I realize that the reactions of others is not something I can control.  I also realize their opinions of me and their circle of influence is solely based on misconceptions they hold about me, without meeting me or even asking with love and respect as to what I intended.  They jumped to conclusions instead.  My ego is furious as having people not allow my true self to be heard.  I am so upset that their are judgements about me that are wrong and could be influencing others.  But my spirit, knows there is a lesson in this experience not only for them, but for me.  I am trying to let this go and hope that those who are meant to know me will seek me out and those that are not meant to know me, will fade away. 

But how does the one who is attacked for no reason get over the stigma that is now attached?  This is the hardest part to trust the process of allowing love to find the way to heal this situation.  I think this is harder still as there are people that I have just recently met online and in person that I would love to build stronger relationships with.  The ones who have attacked me, also are part of this same circle.  So as I sit back and hope for love to find the way... I know that my image is being distorted for those new friendships that I long to cultivate. 

Maybe if I put my intentions of allowing love to heal, instead of my ego to make justice happen and for the truth to come out... that will aide the process? 

What is your Ego fighting and how is your Spirit helping?

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