17 September, 2015

Finding Center...

10 years ago, the blogging world had caught my attention.  There were such brave people opening the hearts and homes through their sharing.  Some blogs admittedly were better to read than others and soon I had a large blog roll to read on a daily basis.  After a while I jumped in and started my own blog.  I was a momma, maker and muse meandering my way through life.

The blog tackled all sorts of topics, from my mid 30 yr old perspective.  It was fun, engaging and cathartic for me to find a new way to journal which was brave.  It allowed me to vent, share and explore themes.  It was fun.  Then came Facebook.

Facebook was a necessary evil at first.  It provided an easy way to connect with like minded people far flung across the globe.  I started to get sucked in, private groups opened up to me, pages to follow, people to interact with.. what a rush!   The excitement rose when you were able to meet these new people face to face.  Then the shadows came...

Some of these people where rather perplexing.  They were not all what you saw online, but there was more they kept hidden from the FB newfeed.  You started to see your behavior in the eyes of others opinions.  There were secrets revealed that left you thinking... what on earth have I gotten myself into?

My FB reform started when it all became too much.  I unliked pages that were just too harsh for my morning newsfeed...  you know the ones that were angry all the time, the ones that conjured up negative or angry feelings in me.  I unfriended people who never commented or interacted online with me.  What did I owe them anyway?  If I wasn't sure of the person, I would unfollow them but not unfriend.  This way I was being polite but not seeing their angry or distasteful posts that were not in alignment with my growth and sensitivities.  I even carved out a safe space with a select few to share a private group for topics of exploring our spiritual growth and support.

It was working!   Woohoo!   I found a place where facebook was now my good news network. It was the place I was able to come and read up on meaningful meme's and share tidbits of wisdom.  I thought I found a new way of enjoying the social media scene.  (Of course Pinterest was a newbie of such beautiful distraction... but let's save that for another day, shall we)?

Spiritual Growth... what an ominous topic.  What does it mean?  For you, it may mean calming a destructive habit, increasing prayer or meditation.   It may be the more walks in the woods, more kind deeds, more donations, more centering the self more... or less.

Finding Center....
For me it equals less of what takes me away from spirit and more of what connects me to spirit.  Facebook was more of connecting me to spirit at a time.  Now it is more of what takes me away from spirit.  It is a distraction, a tempting candy coated distraction.  It alludes to real friendships and real connection.  It pretends to offer a feeling of being needed.  You know what?  I had real friendships before FB.  I was needed and I never suffered from self love, doubt or confidence.  I was a pretty strong person grounded.  Why was this FB challenging me so?  Self discipline.

Striking a balance between what is necessary, needed, wanted, desired, and loved.  This is my new path.  BALANCE.   I am a person who likes to dive deep, I am not a surface swimmer.  So if I am able to connect deeply, I am there.  I dive in, connect and then rise to breath... before diving deep again.  I am not afraid of what is on the bottom.  I like the darkness.  What I don't care for is the frivolous splashing around on the surface.  I am finding FB to be a lot of splashing around.  Lighthearted playtime with random connections.

Maybe it is the weather here in the Northern Hemisphere, but I am feeling a need to go within.  There is sense of harvest and gathering.  I am calling myself home.  Time to claim those pieces of myself that where given too freely.

This is not just directed at the FB platform, but to all aspects of my life.  I am calling in my debts, I am calling in my energy with family, friends, coworkers.  It is time to come home and sit by the hearth.  I need to know that I am whole.  The lending library for my attention and energy is in need of cleaning and restoration.  It is time.

You are more than welcome to comment or share.  But just being here to witness me on this path is blessing enough.